Confessions of a Father...

September 27th was one of the proudest days of my life. My son Ryan came bursting on the scene of my life with a head full of hair and a smirk!!! I remember carrying him to his grandparents down the hall. En route to the waiting room, I shed a few manly tears and pronounced a blessing over my son's life. That was seven years ago and quite a bit has changed since then. I've gotten married to a beautiful woman. We have our own child together with a house, a couple of cars and plenty of eats in the fridge. I didn't marry Ryan's mother thus creating a parental paradox that many single or married fathers face today. Many of us are portrayed as heartless, self absorbed boys who only care about one thing. Of course this is a huge myth among mainstream media. In particular the plight of the black father is largely ignored. Our white counterparts experience some forms of backlash but not to the extent of black men. Quite Frankly it is more popular and profitable(ask Bill Cosby, Jessie Lee Peters and Juan Williams) to quote the statistics of how many black fathers aren't in the home full time in favor of the women who "successfully" raise their children without the help of a man. Unwed mothers in the black community get similar scoldings from media types giving aid to the hostility that exist among some parents.

Let's be clear, I'm in no way condoning my past behavior that produced another child born out of wedlock. The reality is that our generation (Children of the 70's) inherited from our parents a breakdown in the family unit. Often times when a credible argument regarding the past is presented, "Conservatives" love to mention personal responsibility spewing their rhetoric of human without flaws. Ironically some of them have skeletons in their own closets with multiple affairs, divorces, abortions and countless other scandalous events. Many of these types comes across so self righteous. Many people who need to receive positive instructions on better life skills tune them out. The infamous baby boomers have been forced to witness their offspring follow their example. WE have simply mortgaged our better judgement leading to another generation being groomed for the same dysfunction that was packaged through our everyday life. The entertainment media has blood on their hands with such cult classics as Meat Balls, Porky's and American Pie. The Music industry isn't far behind with their contribution. The emergence of sex, violence and materialism infiltrated American society with the emergence of pop, heavy metal, and hip hop. The sexual revolution of the 60's and 70's introduced single parenthood as normal which caused our generation to view it as socially acceptable. This problem has come full circle creating a paradigm that has produced a new roster of sexually transmitted diseases. HIV is the Tiger Woods of world health, with new cases sprouting up among diverse communities around the world.

In fairness, there are certain fathers who are responsible. They pay their child support on time, visit their children frequently, and support them in all of their school and extracurricular activities. Some fathers are in the middle. They are financially responsible but want nothing else to do with the child. Lastly you have the deadbeat. A guy who's allergic to a job, responsibility and loves the chase of his next sexual conquest more than his children.
The is a root cause to some of this (based on my experience) is linked to the hostility that single parenthood creates. It is the culprit to some of the examples given. Some mothers have a hard time separating the past relationship with the father and child. Especially in the cases where the woman wanted a child so that the man would stay.

I have a deep respect for single parents in particular single mothers. All single mothers don't fall in the category of "a woman scorned". However some of them do. Here are some context clues that will determine whether or not you fit the description of a woman scorned. Exhibit A, You allow the father to have relationship with your child as long as you are phyically involved or present. If you have these hangups, you may be a woman scorned. Exhibit B, You are jealous that he has moved on with his life i.e. married another woman. You have "moved on" with your life but for some strange reason, you have a hard time accepting the wife or girlfriend that has shown support to her mate. Even the child has come home saying how nice she is!! If you called the father in a jealous rage then you may be a woman scorned. Lastly, you are trying to replace the father with your husband, boyfriend or another trustworthy male figure though the father is consistently involved in the child's life then you my friend may be a woman scorned.

Props to the mothers out there who keep the doors open for fathers that have decided not to be involved or aren't as consistent as they should be. I applaud the women out there who support their mates in their quest to be fathers to their children. Equal Kudo's goes out to parents who put their children's well being ahead of their personal agendas and feelings. We must all remember that the overall well being of our children is more important than our "pride" as men or women. If you are a man and these words find you please own up to your responsibility as a father. If you are having a hard time with the mother don't give up. Especially if you got a late start with trying to build a relationship with the child. You must earn some sort of credibility. Ladies don't allow your female intuition to lead you astray. Allow the father to earn your trust. Be the bigger person and guide your child through some of the disappointment that may happen. Continue to surround the child with positive male role models. Make sure it isn't a revolving door of male live-ins or "good time" charlie's who only frequent your residence on the late night creep...

The other woman isn't trying to replace you. Parents should be quick to forgive when we don't live up to some of our "demands" or when the lines of communication gets blurry. It's not always about you. Fellas, she isn't always being a "bitch" because she has concerns about certain aspects of your child's environment or who you are currently dating. Honestly we made our bed as parents when we decided to divorce or create a life before we made a solid commitment. Lastly lets teach our children the values that we took for granted. Parents, Let's teach our daughters that single parenthood is tough even if they have a great career. Father's we should teach our sons that women are meant to be our sexual conquest but are to be protected, respected, loved and cherished as the progenitor of life. WE must change the way we think or else we will continue to see the results of a degenerate society led by broken adults who were once broken children... Thanks for reading... Let's all do better....